In the grand, calorie-infested scheme of things, where kale reigns supreme and quinoa is the queen, one can’t help but ponder – is tracking macros essential, or can I just track the pizza delivery guy’s ETA? 🍕
Oh, Macro My God, they say, as if counting the grams of proteins, carbs, and fats could somehow magically transmute my muffin top into a washboard. But, here’s the kicker – what if I’m more interested in the real-time tracking of my double cheese, extra pepperoni masterpiece making its way to my doorstep, than in how many carbs are sneaking into my mouth?
Fitness Fanatics vs. Pizza Patrol: Picture this – a world where your gym membership comes with a side of garlic knots instead of guilt. Where your personal trainer enthusiastically asks, “Did you hit your caloric surplus today with that extra slice?” 🏋️♂️
The Calorie Counting Conundrum: We’ve all been there, pretending to love the taste of despair in the form of a salad, while secretly fantasizing about the warm, gooey embrace of a deep dish pizza. Why count macros when you can count the minutes until pizza liberation?
“But what about your health?” they nag, as if the serotonin boost from devouring a cheesy slice isn’t the most holistic therapy session I’ve had all week. Sure, Janet, my arteries might be weeping, but so are my taste buds – with joy.
A Carbohydrate Confession: Here’s the italicized truth – I tried the macro thing. I did. But the heart wants what it wants, and apparently, mine wants to be in a committed relationship with carbohydrates. Who am I to deny such a profound love?
The Protein Predicament: I hear muscles need protein to grow. You know what else needs to grow? My happiness. And nothing spells happiness quite like P-I-Z-Z-A. Coincidence? I think not.
Fats for Thought: Aren’t fats supposed to be good for you now? Avocados, salmon, nuts…and, um, the cheese on my pizza. It’s basically a health food if you squint your eyes hard enough.
The Bottom Line: At the end of the day, while the fitness gurus of the world sweat over their macro calculators, I’ll be here, tracking the only thing that truly matters – the estimated time of arrival of my beacon of hope and greasy goodness.
And remember, in a world full of calorie counters, be a pizza tracker. 🍕💖 Because, darlings, life’s too short to not eat the damn pizza.
