Listen up, queens! The world outside is a mess – there’s no denying it. But what if I told you that you could create a utopia, a nirvana, a haven of joy and comfort, all within the confines of your own bedroom? No, I’m not talking about turning your mattress into a DIY trampoline (although, note to self). I’m talking about the ultimate adulting hack: transforming your bed into a fort so majestic, so cozy, you’d never want to leave. Here’s how to live your best life by barely living at all.
First things first, gather your materials. You’re going to need every blanket, pillow, and fairy light you can find – and I mean every single one. If your roommate asks why you’re plundering the living room for the good throw blankets, just tell them you’re on a mission from the self-care gods. They’ll understand. Or they won’t. But who cares? You’re about to build a fort.
Now, on to the construction phase. This isn’t just any old childhood blanket fort. No, you’re an adult, and this is going to be the Versailles of bed forts. Use chairs, broomsticks, or even tension rods to create a frame that spans the width and length of your bed. The more ambitious among us may opt for an engineering marvel worthy of a Pinterest board, but remember, the goal here is coziness, not a civil engineering degree.
Then, drape your blankets strategically. The key here is layers. We’re talking the kind of layers that make you feel like you’re being hugged by a cloud. And remember, aesthetic is everything. Choose your coziest, most Instagram-worthy blankets for the outer layer, because if you don’t post it, did it even really happen?
Lighting is crucial. String up those fairy lights like you’re trying to signal aliens. We’re going for a vibe that says, “I’m living my best life, and also possibly a woodland fairy.” The ambiance should be so enchanting that even the most mundane activities—scrolling through TikTok, eating cereal for dinner—feel magical.
Now, stock your fort with essentials. I’m talking snacks, water, your laptop, phone charger, and that one book you keep saying you’ll read. Oh, and don’t forget the most important item: a Do Not Disturb sign. You’re off the grid now, baby. (The Wi-Fi still works in your fort, though. You’re not a monster.)
One of the pitfalls of bed fort living is the inevitable need to leave your sanctuary for basic human functions. To mitigate this, try to think of your bed fort not just as a bed, but as a self-contained ecosystem. Have a plan for discreet snack replenishment and a discreet, yet dignified, bathroom strategy.
Now, for those naysayers who might suggest that living in a bed fort is “avoiding your problems” or “deeply concerning behavior for an adult,” I say this: In these trying times, we must find joy where we can. If that joy comes in the form of living like a blissed-out, snack-hoarding bed goblin, so be it.
But why stop at just living in your bed fort? Why not work from your fort, socialize from your fort, live your entire life from this fluffy bastion of happiness? Zoom meeting? More like Zoom into my cozy fort of professional detachment. Virtual happy hour? More like happy fortress of solitude and wine.
And finally, when the time comes to dismantle your fortress of solitude (because, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end), take a moment to remember the joy it brought you. The laughter, the tears, the crumbs. Know that, like a phoenix from the ashes, your bed fort can and will rise again.
There you have it, folks. A guide to turning your bed into a fort so magnificent, leaving it will feel like a betrayal. Live your best life enveloped in blankets, fairy lights, and the satisfaction of knowing that, out there, the world continues to turn—without you needing to participate.